Giving up gifts for the holidays

Giving up gifts for the holidays

Oh no it's an empty box!It won’t be that drastic this first year but it’s coming (someone warn my kids). I am sick of toys and clutter and excess. I am disgusted with the fact that my husband and I cleaned out our kid’s toy box and found toys that had never really been played with. The thrill of my children unwrapping presents on Christmas morning seems to be forgotten by the new year. It needs to be different, and I need to be the one to do it.

I don’t go into rants with my kids about how little I had at their age or how lucky they have it. To be honest I have been the responsible party here by overdoing it with gifts in years past. Guilt does that to me. Guilt for being a crazy working parents that travel or works insane hours. Guilt for having to say ‘just put yourself to bed’ some nights because I’ve got a deadline. The guilt over not having enough as a kid myself. The heartbreak I see that children both in my own country and around the world live every day – and probably don’t even realize it. Hell, I even have really good friends that never seem to have enough for their kids.

The way I see it is if I don’t break the cycle with my own children their chances of growing up to become compassionate adults is slim. They are compassionate children but they are still children. Their gluttonous, pages-long Christmas wish lists tells me I’ve made very big mistakes along the way. This year I am making progress to fix that.

I am exchanging gifts for experiences. Some (many) people I’m sure will say I am just swapping out many paper-wrapped indulgences for one large one that requires a plane ticket. Maybe. But the fact is that I had very little growing up and my husband and I can now moderately afford to provide more for our own kids. So instead of buying crappy little toys to wrap and put under the tree just to find stuffed in the couch by March, we are taking them on a vacation. To Disney World and Universal (Harry Potter to be specific). We will get to spend five days with each other, mostly uninterrupted by phone calls and technology, and we will have shared experiences together that I hope know will be better than some dumb plastic toy. I will take lots of pictures and video and turn those into books and DVDs for them to watch and enjoy through the year (and the rest of their lives) – those will go under the tree with a very reduced number of gifts. At least I know those gifts won’t get stuffed in couch cushions.

The more important part to all this is they also take time and do things for others that are in a less-fortunate situation than they are. I needed to pick something physically close to home to they can actually participate and see first hand. What I’ve come up with is to make little presents for other children that we will distribute at my grandmother’s nursing home (we call their great-grandmother ‘Mousha’). This way the other residents at the home that have great/grandkids will have gifts to give to them. While this isn’t doing much to help kids in third-world countries, this is an act of giving and compassion they can see and understand. My son is 4 and my daughter is 10. They will both understand this.

So, any ideas on what type of craft can I have both my kids make that would be appropriate for kids of any age? Since I don’t know the ages of any potential recipients I need them make ‘all-purpose’ gifts. Candy and food is hard because of allergies so I’m leery of that.

And, in case I forget to say it later… Happy Holidays.

The Stigma of Driving a Minivan

The Stigma of Driving a Minivan

Stick People Stickers On CarsI have declared for the past ten years that I hate minivans (before that I didn’t have any children so it was a non-issue).  Old people drive them, usually too slow and swerving in and out of the fast lane.  Minivans have back windows full of stick-figure families wearing Mickey Mouse ears, soccer ball decals, and faded-out honor roll bumper stickers.  Usually they have all three, and I always want to run them off the road into a ditch.

The best example of the stigma and lifestyle assumption I’m looking to avoid comes from seeing a minivan with stick-people stickers on the back window.  One adult female stick-person wearing a Mickey Mouse hat and SIX cat stick-animals and no human kids to be found.  I still kick myself to this day for not taking a photo of that winner.  To me, minivan drivers are elderly people that shouldn’t be driving on the road in the first place or stressed out and frazzled moms with scratch-n-sniff stickers all over the inside of the car windows.  Or women with four kids under the age of four that have traded their wardrobe for sweatpants and stained maternity teeshirts. Or people that didn’t learn to drive in this country and think stop signs and one way streets are ‘suggestions’.

My fear? Becoming — or being viewed as — THAT.  Unhip surburban soccer mom drones. Or as an old person.  Or batshit crazy.  I. HAVE. PURPLE. HAIR. AND. TATTOOS. DAMMIT!  I’ve been wondering if my fear is becoming those things or having the stereotype applied to me.  I’ve never thought of myself as a vain person but now I’m not so sure.  In my head there is a vision of what I’m supposed to be.  That somehow I’m expected to live up to crazy stereotypes that are polar opposites from what I really am.  MILF / cougar / soccer mom.  All stereotypes run counter to what I am, how I view myself, how I want others to view me, and how I’d like to be going forward. In my own head I tend to swing to the MILF side of the fence – not soccer mom – and minivans do not fit that image. [Read more...]

Doing It Differently This Year

Doing It Differently This Year

Today is January 1, 2011. The buzz in my social media circles is choosing a word (or three) to define and structure what you want to ‘be’ this upcoming year. I like the idea as long as you develop some sort of trigger to keep the words and ideas behind them top of mind.  Too often New Year’s ‘resolutions’ get forgotten by March (hello Valentine’s Day and Easter candy!).  I think the key isn’t to identify your three motivating words, but to find your trigger points to know what it will take to remind yourself of your words and keep on track.  Good intentions produce nothing without consistent action.

CalendarWhile I wasn’t originally going to pick my three words because I’m not really a fan of jumping on the Internet meme bandwagon, I realized that if I keep doing what I’m doing I’m going to keep getting what I’m getting.  I’ve been blessed with the ability to work hard and be productive with both my business and (hopefully) my family, and understand that my ability to be a driven, successful person is based on every decision and experience I have had up to this moment.  But – like many women – I have neglected ME.  You see, I turn 40 this year.  FORTY. I need to start paying attention to me.  When I turned 30 I was a bit unsettled, but had just married my husband the year before and was about to have our first child and it was all exciting.  I had a plan, or at least a general roadmap of where I was going.  I knew my 30s were the decade I was officially a ‘grown up’, where we would grow our family and plant roots and become stable.  What the hell do my 40s have to offer?  Our family is complete, we are as settled as we are ever going to get and our businesses are established.  I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO COME NEXT. [Read more...]

Santa Stole My Mojo

Santa Stole My Mojo

I’m all for a big fat dude to drop off a boat sleigh load of gifts to my house for my kids to appreciate and love for the following 364 days. But the problem is he doesn’t flip the bill, and Santa doesn’t live with my kids 24/7 to know exactly what would make them happy.  I do.  And I’m also the one that shops and wraps every. single. gift.  Every time my 3 year old son runs around on his little red Radio Flyer tricycle giggling ‘thank you Santa’ I want to visit the mall and pinch the poor retired man with the white beard taking pictures with fake snow all around.  Now, it is a parent’s fate in life not to get the credit they deserve, but I’m seriously rethinking this whole Santa thing in our house.  My husband and I busted our *ass* this year not only shopping, but picking up extra projects when we could so we could offset the holiday with some extra cash.  You know, for the Harry Potter Lego set our daughter nearly actually passed out when she opened (credit for that one is all my husband).

Now our 9 year old daughter understands about Santa, yet still runs around the house excited he’s coming and frets over which kind and how many cookies to leave him.  Fear of waking up to a bare spot under the artificial tree?  Maybe.  With her it’s more likely she’s still very much in love with the nostalgia of Santa.  On the other hand, our 3 year old son was blocking the opening of the fireplace to keep the fat guy out.  That was *before* waking up to finding every-toy-he-ever-thought-existed-in-the-universe-plus-a-bike under the tree.  Never mind every stinkin’ tag said FROM MOMMY & DADDY.  Kid can’t read.  As far as he knows that creepy guy wearing a Halloween / Santa Claus costume at his preschool for pictures was now a certified hero.

With all this said, our kids made out well for the holiday, but they (well the older kid anyhow) also have a very strong sense of empathy and understanding that not all kids live like they do or have parents like they do.  I absolutely cannot stand to have *MY CHILDREN* grow up to be greedy little gremlins that only think of themselves and turn their heads to situations that feel beneath them.  I grew up being on the receiving end of a lot of that – especially at Christmas.  I didn’t grow up in the wealthiest of towns, but I very distinctly remember everyone else having enough and us, well, not so much.  No matter.  My kids are probably way better than their kids are now anyhow <smirk>.

What’s a parent to do? Hopefully we will get credit for their first car, college education and hand-me-down furniture for their first apartment.  Otherwise I’m going to have to have a very public smack down with the Big Red Dude in the mall to get some of my street cred back.