Fair Weather Friends

Note to (internet) famous people that have forgotten their roots – I will ALWAYS make time for friends & not fleece them with ridiculous fees/schedules. While you are busy being a big-shot, *I* am keeping the relationships *YOU* tossed in the trash. Think about that, and return a phone call/email YOURSELF from time to time. /rant over/

I had a bit of a brain-melt over the past few weeks as seen by the above status update I finally broke down and posted today.  I’ve been doing what I do for a very long time.  New media, social media, blogging, web video, podcasts, online journaling – whatever you want to call it – I have been in it since 1997.  Even longer than that I’ve been a technology strategist and sometimes-janitor (cleaning up other people’s tech messes).  I have been blessed for almost *20* years in technology with a strong sense of matching people with the right tools to thrive within their profession.  I’ve viewed myself as a sort of Shadchan of meat-space & digital-space.  More importantly, I like to connect *people* with *people* … linchpin style.

It would be important to note that age does not equal experience or quality.  Just because I was around when an entire industry was birthed does not give me assumed credit for its success.  Being a user of an idea is also not the same as mastering the ideas professionally, or even being able to mentor others in the craft.  There are plenty of new faces on the social media bandwagon.  They have “kicked ass and taken names” and helped to catapult the industry into the mainstream, and are more amazing than folks that have been stagnant over the past half-decade in the industry.  Quality over quantity, but having both helps.

On the flip side, being connected to a lot of people does not automatically make you capable of finding synergies between friends and helping to cultivate fruitful relationships between them.  That requires actively nurturing relationships and finding out what your friends and professional colleagues need, and what would help them thrive.  Knowing how to read between the lines helps.

That brings me to my dilemma.  I’ve been around the block and know a lot of the old-timers have worked their butts off that deserve have earned their success.  But when I have to schedule time to chat 4 weeks from now and SUBMIT AN INVOICE for their time … they can fall off a cliff. One of the folks I’ve actually mentored.  Karma is a bitch though, it will come full circle.  It’s interesting to watch and see if ‘fame’ changes people or just brings out their true colors.  When friends have reached out to me for help, advice, or even just an ear to rant to, I have been there for them to the best of my ability.  When the tables are turned, I get passed off to snotty assistants and sent non-disclosure agreements.

It is harder to keep fame than to gain it.  It is easier to keep friends you already have.  It can be lonely at the top.  Sometimes only people that have been where you were can help you stay where you are.  You reap what you sow.  I may forgive, but I don’t forget.

No, I won’t divulge any particulars or names, I’m much classier than that.  And if your conscious is eating you that this article could be about YOU (and it’s probably NOT) – time to take a good hard look at who you are, how you got here, and the helping hands that pulled you up the ladder on your journey.  Give a call to someone you have valued in the past, thank them, and ask them if there is anything you can do for them.  And do it.  No appointment,  fee schedule, or NDA needed.

What’s Next?

What’s next for me…

Gutting the contents of my home and purging. This is a biggie for me.  I have some sort of freakish fear of putting things in the trash.  I know that it is all heading for the landfill, and it bothers me very much.  Trust me, I recycle everything I can but I still feel horrible about getting rid of all the bulk and clutter in my house. Somehow it’s better to sit in my home and disrupt our lives than be processed at a landfill.  What I want for my birthday in May is a huge dumpster in my driveway, great weather, and two weeks of babysitting so I can completely gut my house and live a more simple life.

Making time for everyone – but only one at a time. I want to spend time 1:1 with each of my kids, my husband, my mom, and friends.  Not just huge holiday mob-scene frenzied time together, but quality time and focus with each person in my life that I love and that matters to me.  This includes me – as in take time to decompress so I don’t go flippin’ mad and take it out on everyone.

Earning my “magic number” in fees a month so I can properly feed my family. I work pretty damn hard, and I’m pretty damn good at what I do.  It is *very* hard for me to say that as I’m not the best at blowing my own horn.  With that said, my time and expertise is valuable.  I will work smarter in 2010.  I will consciously work to make the best professional decisions for my clients, my family, my team, and ME.

Rediscover a passion. Some time ago I was a scrapbooker. The tactile art of working paper and photos somehow balanced my analytical mind and made me happy.  I opened a store and took my hobby to a business – and while insanely fulfilling and comparatively successful, it sucked all the joy out of the sport for me.  I have a basement full of supplies from my old store, and it also causes me stress because of the clutter.  I really want to sell or give away all of the supplies, but eBay really isn’t cutting it for the amount that I need to get rid of.  I want my basement back, I want to (someday) get it finished, and I want to enjoy some sort of crafting space.  I recently got a Nikon D5000 SLR camera and would love to take tons of pictures and decorate the finished basement with prints of my family that I’ve taken.

Getting my paperwork in order. I’m nearing a decade change with my age and need to have certain things in place to make sure my kids and husband are (financially) okay if something should happen to me.  I don’t just mean a will or insurance.  I don’t want to leave a mess of things when I’m gone, so making sure that they have all the names and addresses for holiday cards, and know where all my daughter’s report cards are kept, and maybe work on a family tree for my kids.  The kind of things moms keep track of but no one else has a flippin’ clue about.

Get healthy. THIS IS A BIGGIE.  I will be the very first to admit I have been horribly neglectful on very important issues when it comes to my health.  Denial maybe.  Outside of life and death issues, I need to lose some weight.  Technically I think I need to lose 50 pounds.  How the hell am I FIFTY pounds overweight?  Oh, I like to eat.  Even more than me being a tubby right now, I am setting a very bad example for my 8 year old daughter.  Sitting around on my ass eating the Cookie Cake my husband insists on making and sitting on the computer is not really how I want her to see me, or think is okay to do.

Say NO. Yeah, but I like to help people, so that one really stinks.  I’m afraid to turn down clients, no matter how bad they are for me because I like to eat (see above paragraphs.)  I like to volunteer and help people learn things they didn’t know before – and then take that knowledge and become a better ‘whatever.’  This year I’ve decided that I’m pretty much going to stick with Podcamp Philly and Social Media Club Princeton NJ.  If I have an extra $5 from time to time I’ll hit the donate button for someone I think needs a cup of coffee or a little help with medical bills.  I have a plan of donating 25% of my ‘work’ without payment.  The trick with that is to get the first 75% up and paid before dishing out the rest.

What’s next for you?

The Evil of Allergies

The Evil of Allergies

I didn’t have allergies growing up, but I have them now.  I wonder how that happens?  I think it was during my pregnancy with my daughter that I started noticing that every spring and fall my eyes would get watery and itchy.  Now after two kids, I’m destroyed.  Every symptom listed on the marketing literature for every major allergy medication is exactly what I have.

The entire holiday weekend I squandered holed up in the house hiding from all the pretty things outside because it made me feel like garbage.  Gorgeous flowers in bloom, my little veggie  garden growing steadily, a brand new patio, and a busy bird feeder all go unappreciated because I’m inside hiding from it all.  Sleepy even after coffee and naps, I have walked into walls in a haze for days.  Even after getting to sleep in this morning until 10am – which I haven’t done in years – didn’t help.  What a complete waste of a gorgeous weekend with my family!

All hail Zyrtec because so far that’s the only thing that has cleared up 90% of my allergy symptoms.  The only thing I’m left with is a hardcore snuffly nose, which all things considered I’ll take.  It’s the sort of thing where you really want to roll up two tissues and shove them up each side of your nose, even in public.  Small price to pay for the pressure in my head to be gone.  Not sure if my family is thrilled with me making loud nose-sucking-in noises every 32.1 seconds, and strangers look at me like I’ve got some sort of drug problem.  My daughter has been on Zyrtec for awhile now, but it never occured to me I should take it too.

Speaking of which, I should go take my tiny happy pill now and get some more shut-eye.  Maybe I can enjoy *next* weekend outdoors!

In Need Of A Vacation

Be warned, this post will not be pleasant. I have run out of coffee in the house and the baby was up screaming for about an hour last night. I love my husband and kids and my life, I really really do.  Sometimes I really just want to lock myself in the bathroom and cry for a few hours. Today is one of those days.

I’m tired. Very, very tired. Why?

  • economy sucks & I’m hyper critical of not having money to the point where I get sick over spending money on things we need, like groceries or a new kitchen floor
  • have not been on a vacation in almost 5 years and I really need a break (not that a vacation will stop the toddler from screaming or waking up during the night or laundry or meals or MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMY)
  • my kitchen floor needs to be replaced because it is peeling up and is actually unsafe to walk on (and it will cost the same as two vacations, so that’s another decade of no vacations)
  • husband’s car is shit – in my opinion (economy sucks so we really can’t replace it)
  • my mom is gone on vacation for over two weeks (IN A WARM PLACE!) and I’m very jealous
  • my toddler will not sleep through the night, and has now taken to *screaming* for a good part of the day
  • I’m so tired that I fall asleep giving my kids baths or sitting at the kitchen table
  • I’m sick to my stomach of picking up the same friggin’ toys and dishes 16 times a day
  • I hate falling asleep at 8pm because I’m so wiped out
  • I’m sick of feeling like all I do all day is clean up and still my house looks like a shithole
  • I’m tired of not having any friends nearby that I can just call up and go out with or have over for a cup of coffee. Or the free time to do any of that.
  • I miss being able to go to Curves and work out with women in their 70′s – it would be nice if there were women at least in their 40′s there. Oh well, I never get the chance to go anyway.
  • I’m sick of being FAT. I said it. I AM FAT. I eat out of stress & loneliness, which means I’m eating junk all day long.
  • I miss working outside the home but won’t / can’t put my kids in daycare.
  • I would love to be able to work on projects around the house (like painting the bathroom since there is spackle on the wall from repairing water damage…) but the toddler doesn’t let me do **ANYTHING**
  • I would love to be able to concentrate on some work projects from home, but I can’t even go to the bathroom by myself let alone sit for a few hours and work.

I don’t want pity or sympathy. I want someone to say “take the day/weekend off so you can be a human being again.”  I want solutionsAnd a vacation. Maybe when my kids are both in college…