Why is there this huge divide between being happy and being thin? Rather, why is there such unhappiness in the process of getting thin (and healthy)? I was (am) happy being overweight and eating healthy foods that taste good in moderation. But I’ve got weight to lose because I don’t FEEL WELL being heavier. I didn’t get this way eating bags of chips every night, eating TastyKakes or living on fast food. I got this way by having two kids and getting older – neither of which I would change.
The only way to get rid of the weight for me is to cut out a good part of ‘white foods‘ like refined sugar, flour and starches. And exercise. I’ve had intentions of getting to the gym, but I honestly don’t have time to go sign up let alone attend. A lot of the problem with this all is that I’m HUNGRY. To keep my calorie intake at a level that will promote weight loss, I am hungry all the time. Even if I eat healthy things to get rid of the hunger, I either stop losing weight or gain weight. Am I destined to feel hungry all the time just to be thinner and healthier? What if I say *screw it* and choose to eat healthy, but in quantities that don’t leave me with a loudly growling belly all the time? I’ll be / stay heavy, that’s what. And with that comes health risks and pain. My knees are shot for a number of reasons, mainly because of all the skating I did as a teen and two knee surgeries. Losing weight takes strain off my already-failing knees and helps reduce the pain from other flair ups.
Yes, vanity is involved with what size I am, I won’t lie. I hate seeing full body photos of myself, it makes me ill. In my head I don’t look that big, and it’s very hard to accept it as truth. But more important I can’t walk down a flight of stairs without holding on to both handrails and stepping down sideways. Heels are a joke unless I’m on completely level ground. If I lose more weight and get thin, will it help? I have to think so. I’ve got other health issues in play, and losing weight helps all of it but doesn’t cure it.
What I’ve been wondering lately is if being in pain because of my knees is worse or being unhappy because I’m drastically limited on what I can eat. What is the lesser of two evils? I know the right answer, being healthy is the right choice. I am *so* unhappy in the process of getting healthy. Every food looks evil, every extra bite threatens to reverse progress. I’ve been MUCH heavier than I am now, but I also have lived most of my life as a thin person. Sometime (due to unreasonable and unbearable stress) I was *too* thin. I don’t know how to have a better ‘relationship’ with food because I really never saw a problem with it in the first place.
Looking around at the general public I have to think they don’t give a shit. They are, for lack of a more politically correct word, FAT. I’m soft in the middle, carrying more pounds than I’d like – but a lot of the people I see in my everyday life outside work are fat. You can be overweight to a point and be healthy, but these people don’t look healthy. Breaking out in sweat walking from the car to the Chinese buffet in the middle of winter, using electric carts to go shopping, or grocery carts full of Funyuns and Coke is not the cause or result of a healthy lifestyle.
Believe it or not I’m not saying it’s bad to be overweight, but it’s just not for me. I do have a bit of jealousy of truly overweight people. Someplace in the back of their brain they know eating and behaving the way they are is unhealthy, but they do it anyway. Sort of like smokers know it’s bad but overlook it for the immediate ‘bump’ of a cigarette. I want that level of indifference or ignorance. To just *eat* and not *care* or take responsibility. The problem with everything I do is that I think through the concenquences to the Nth degree. I know if I eat a bag of cheese puffs I will feel bad. I will be / stay overweight. I will be happy eating them.
I’m fairly goal-oriented, I want to get enough weight off so that the miles of walking at South By Southwest in March won’t cripple me. Problem is, I’m not easily phased by failure. Blame the entrepreneur in me, you need to fail a lot to get to the times you don’t. I just pick up and try again. When you’re trying to lose weight that means you lose the same 10 pounds over and over.
There have been so many times that I’ve wanted to just call for whatever magic pill was advertised on the radio and make this all go away. Wake up thin and able to sprint down a flight of stairs. To have the image in my head match what I see in pictures. To feel like ME, and not me in a fat-suit. I am unhappy ‘dieting’ and I am unhappy being overweight. I just don’t know how to go from Point A to Point B and be happy in the process.
Hi Lynette, in very similar circumstances, gained 60 lb in past 2 years, so I can relate, including the bad knees. I also can relate to the sense of discouragement you feel. The weight does not fall off with a quick diet anymore like it did even a few years ago.
This is what I think works well, at least for me. I do not worry about dieting. I love to eat, and I am tired of failing. I just try to eat healthy when I can, and when I am dying for french fries, I eat like 5 and throw away the rest. I split desserts. I couldn’t swear off ice cream forever, but I am happy with a kid sized cone.
I think when you start exercising — but start off slow — your metabolism starts to kick up a notch and you’ll feel more toned, even if the pounds don’t fall off. Also you will feel more energetic and happy but doing this with kids and knee pain is a challenge. This is my plan.
So here are three things I am doing to get back in the saddle:
(1) going with my son to an indoor pool. I can’t swim very well but I use the water to do a lot of stretching, squats (they don’t hurt when I do them in water) and leg lifts. He’s happy just to be in the water and this helped the pain and I found going up and downstairs easier.
(2) Prevention exercise videos. First I borrowed them from the library to see which ones I liked, then I ordered my favorites from Amazon. You don’t need a lot of equipment or space to do them, they are not too hard, and the pace is right. I put them on in the computer and do them in my home office. Best of all, the exercises are low impact and don’t hurt my knees
(3) I go on walks with my son, or we dance to the radio. We just try to incorporate movement as much as we can. Like, if we are watching a video together, I do some bicep curls.
Everybody I know who works in social media puts on weight big time. We just need to make more time for ourselves, don’t we! But you are a very pretty woman. I hope you come to like how you look at your size, even if you don’t lose all the weight you want. Although I’m not an 8 anymore (more like an 18!), I still try to buy pretty clothes and accessories and feel like a hot mama 🙂
Thanks for your thoughts, it’s much appreciated! Maybe I need another profession if social media is making me fat! LOL. It is a ‘chair-potato’ career that’s for sure.