I sincerely hope 2013 is the year the VCs (venture capitalists) smarten up and stop this insanity. Up until this TechCrunch article I had never heard of this company Cherry before. A carwash that comes to you! Oh but that has been done before many, many times… But wait! This is different. There's a mobile app and a cool unrelated name! It is sure to be a cash windfall… Let's fund them with over five million dollars! We will be slammin' rich and have squeeky clean cars!

Let me go grab a stiff drink early this Christmas Eve morning before I continue. Ready? Shall we continue?

An idea is not a business. An app is not a business. A startup is NOT a business. A startup has the slim potential to someday grow up and become the start of a business, but it is NOT a business. Slick slide decks performed and perfected by seemingly infinately wise young adults appear magical in the scarry world of mobile apps and agile development hackathons — especially when you are a wealthy middle aged man with a bit of a God complex and a misunderstanding of technology and the Internet in relation to normal consumers.

Here. Let me help you. People with limited experience and exposure to real world business and commerce (also know as 'not in their bubble of experience from college or from a sweet internship they landed') do not stereotypically know that the world really doesn't need a service that provides car washes on demand and on location when packaged up in a cool iOs app. They sure don't need $5.25 million dollars to prove that this is a stupid idea. (I would love to see what businesses ideas on the back of a napkin didn't make it…)

For example, there are already thousands of car washes and dry cleaners in the United States alone. Many are already running as sucessful and profitable small businesses. As an extension of thier existing lines of products and services, let us assume a small fraction branch out and decide to offer 'pickup/dropoff' or 'at your location' services. Both industries already offer this where I live in New Jersey (also known as 'not the Valley'). Wouldn't it be a smarter business extension to build a website (and app, but never just an app) and bring in existing and profitable service providers? Offer a solution and bring technology options to small businesses that don't traditionally have access? Let's look at the sales pipeline and figure out how to pitch this to the business owners… Talk their talk even if we aren't walking their walk.

There's my $10 million dollar idea, so start lining up while I make a PowerPoint Keynote Prezi deck. I will work with VCs who have sunk cash into startups and need to match the app (because they are always only ideas and apps…) with real world practical business applications.

Can we just STOP?! Let's invest in ideas and businesses (startup or existing) that have actual customer demand or innovate to create genuine solutions to problems we didn't know we have. I have been sitting on some amazing solutions that I have been developing and bootstrapping (that means I have a working product/prototype that actual customes pay real money for) for two years. No VC will touch it. Why?

1. I'm too old / not 24 years old (yes, I have been told this)
2. I'm not in the Valley (yes, I have been told this)
3. I'm developing services just for professional women (yes, I was told there are no markets for tech /education products – or books <which I have in the works also> – that cater to women)
4. Investors don't invest in people or their experience/talent only ideas and apps they can strip to parts and sell (the reason they are complete garbage)

Now, I don't actually want VC money. As someone who has built numerous businesses (some wildly successful and some ran me in to red) VC money is dirty. I'd much rather have a few high paying (but still heavily discounted) clients that will pay to have early access and creative direction with the final solutions than investment money I have not worked for or earned.

If VCs want to give away their money on what I consider stupid and ego-driven startups, so be it. It's their money. What I do have issue with is that people with the real possibility of making long term solutions and profit are ignored. Business loans are not realistic in the world of small business any longer, that is a fact. The arguement that if a small business idea is solid enough to work, then the founders should be willing to take the financial risk themselves with a small business loan (which are barely enough money to hire a part time assistant) and put their home and family on the line is assine. It flys in the face of everything startups and VCs do every day.

This is insanity and it needs to stop for the sake of the progress and success of small businesses everywhere. If you are a VC looking to fund the next killer app give me a call first. I have decades of actual experience and influence. My rates are reasonable compared to the money you will sink. I will walk you through the real life of people outside the bubble of startups and let you know if you have a stinker on your hands. It is very apparent to me you have lost your way.

#blog

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Cherry Is Shutting Down Its On-Demand Car Wash Service, Will Refund Pre-Paid Customers | TechCrunch
Cherry, a startup that has been described as “Uber for car washes,” is shutting down its service as of today, according to a statement from the company. Cherry says that it plans to “pursue an exci…

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