I marked the approximate 6-month anniversary of me getting up off my butt and into the gym on my calendar. Make a goal, reach a goal, reward myself. I made it! The reward was to go shopping for new clothes. I actually own very little clothing as most of my days are spend uber-casual in my own office (perk of being self-employed) or at the gym. I have a half-dozen or so outfits I’ll wear out socially or to business functions. With the change of seasons into autumn I thought it would be the perfect time to toss what little is in my closet and get smaller clothes. No. Such. Luck. I am the same exact size as when I started.

Muffin Top

After 6 months of going to the gym 3-4 times a week and a trainer for the past 3 months I thought I would lose some weight. I still weigh 5 pounds more than when I started (I was up 10 pounds, so that’s an improvement) and wear the same size clothing. Blah blah blah I know I’m healthier & stronger and muscle weighs more than fat, but I want to be thinner too. I don’t need to be stick thin and understand I will always have curves, but I cannot stand the belly any longer. I actually feel guilty for wanting to be thinner. Wanting to be thin is selfish, but wanting to be healthy is okay somehow.

I eat better. Very little sugar or flour (most of the white foods are gone). My ‘cheats’ are a bit of frozen yogurt or a glass of red wine every so often. I also added a thermogenic (increases metabolism) and CLA to my diet. The little carbs I have are quinoa grains, and even that’s only twice a week mainly because it’s expensive. With two kids, a husband, and my mom in the house, drastically altering my diet and living off green juiced shakes and kale is next to impossible.

My work schedule is overloaded and the family schedule with the kids isn’t flexible (school is when it is). My gym is open 24 hours a day, so maybe I go back a second time at 10pm? I really can’t get to the trainer 4 days a week. As it is I go twice a week for 30 minutes each day. I run on the elliptical before my training sessions, then I pretty much get my own private bootcamp. I don’t have an hour every single day to run on the elliptical, but that seems to be my only option to lose the fat.

I will set another goal reminder in my calendar for six more months. I’m honestly not hopeful, but I will stick with it because I need to be healthy. Maybe after having two kids and being 40 years old means I’m going to look like this forever.